My Story: Broken to Monster to Redeemed
People naturally put their trust in things of this world for comfort or
purpose. Might be people close to you, status, school, job, money,
government, your church. I learned the hard way that you don't want those
as your foundation. I'll show you that using my testimony, struggles, and
what I learned trying to get ahead in this world. How our sinful nature
and the world's philosophy causes most of our problems. How we're led to
misery in this life and eternal damnation in the next.
Then, I'll show you how putting your faith in Jesus Christ changes all
of that. You'll see that Jesus Christ has real power. If He saved and
delivered me, you know there's nobody beyond His reach. Let's
start from the beginning.
Start with an Uphill Battle
Although living in many places, I spent much of my childhood in rural
areas. Like a good-ole country boy, I enjoyed BBQ, guns, and campfires. I
liked movies, games, science, and exploring the cities, too. Many of us
found country life peaceful, but boring and isolating, too. We wanted the
rest of what the world offers. We dreamed of living better lives in other
places.
I was considered mentally gifted. I was a walking encyclopedia of
knowledge and full of great ideas. I was socially and physically weaker.
That's not a good combo in rural areas. People excluded and mocked "nerds"
like us. Even if it could get me ahead, I had no focus and procrastinated
too much. People were clear I was different and didn't belong but I didn't
know why for the longest time.
Autism
Un-diagnosed autism was the main reason. We're really smart but socially
clueless. I'll give you two examples:
Have you really needed to say something to someone, your mind went
totally blank, and you were just staring or bumbling your words? And that
prevented or hurt the relationship? Our brains often give us nothing to
say in social situations.
Have you ever heard someone say something extremely important, you
couldn't understand what they meant, and getting the answer wrong could
cost you? That's how we experience many social situations, esp "small
talk." People told me I was insensitive, a jerk, a creep... you name it.
Negative side: Many of us have to make scripts handling specific
situations. We fake small talk. We feel like aliens but we're at least
good actors. We might have a few friends.
Positive side: We do like talking about specific things and people.
That energizes us. The deeper it goes, the better. We're repetitive about
those things. They might be hobbies we become experts in. Otherwise, we
talk way too much about it to others and it causes problems. If we avoid
that, this deep, driven thinking is key to our brilliance.
How I chose to live: highly-imaginative overacting, out-smarting them,
constant jokes, avoiding them, and lying (showmanship) in that order. Three
helped me hide. Three made me shine.
Home
On my parents: one parent was intellectual and shy, the other highly
empathetic and outgoing. People usually get one or the other. I inherited
both traits. I often experience them both at the same time. I still
struggle to handle that. One effect is that I really wanted to connect to
and please people more than most others.
My family situation wasn't stable. My parents really cared about me.
That was good. There still were divorces, much moving around, some people
at my homes that were helpful, some were evil, and some were both. I spent
more time around women than men since I lived with my mother. It was hard
to hang out with men from then on.
I'm just briefly mentioning these things since they affected everything
else.
Rough School
How Racists Were Made
Instead of empathy, the black school I went to made me hate being
white. They said we never did anything good, caused every bad thing, had
excluded blacks in the past ("racism"), and they didn't want whites
participating in black things ("not racism"). Even enemies sometimes
teamed up to prevent whites from winning in a dispute. Violence was
common. Many attacks involved multiple attackers beating a helpless person
while witnesses cheered it on. Where did all of this come from? Was it the
outside environment or was our enemy within?
The core of their worldview was group identity. How you were treated
started with your skin color. Their worldview divided everyone into two
categories: one race, whites, were seen as oppressors to critique, resist,
or take power from; other races were seen as victims, in an uphill battle,
praise worthy, and needing more money and power. Those two views are how
they'd look at most situations. In the race-first model, they don’t care
about who you are as a person, what you’ve gone through, or about your own
dreams. You are your race... or actually what they say about
your race. That made racial unity impossible. Then, they'd force you to
endure the consequences of their beliefs about your race.
You'd think that would often lead to white people being socially
excluded, mocked, and beaten. It did. Many whites developed anxiety or
anger issues, including PTSD. Others became racist themselves. It took me
much longer to realize the black kids were really suffering, too. They
just weren't allowed to show it.
Within this worldview, black kids couldn't be themselves. Blacks with
influence pushed other blacks to act only in ways following black culture.
They also decided for them what was or wasn't black. They’d mock or beat
blacks who they said were speaking or acting too white. That included
educational activities. Seeing whites exclusively as oppressors, they'd
often resist helpful programs when they came from or involved white
people. If we argued with them, they'd point to a few, actual, horrifying
acts of racism like the
Tuskegee
Syphilis Study to justify never trusting white people. In my eyes,
racism over here plus racism over there led to more racism that created
even more racism. The race-centered worldview that resulted created a
confusing, self-destructive environment for both white and black kids.
This isn't ancient history.
Today, critical, race theory is teaching the same worldview in schools
and churches with the same, damaging effects. Since then, they've added
gender, religion, and other labels which are all also treated as
oppressors or the oppressed. The terms today include critical theory,
so-called social justice, political correctness, and cancel culture. They
label anyone who disagrees with them as people committing hate speech.
That includes millions of minority members with different opinions.
They'll abuse and censor them just as quickly as the haters that came
before them. Getting rid of these destructive worldviews will reduce
division, abuse, mental illness, and probably physical illnesses caused by
stress. Please fight all of these so your children won't suffer like we
did.
Where Thugs Came From
If that caused group tensions, you might wonder about people who were
violent towards others in their own groups. They started out like the
rest of us. Family issues, racism, and other struggles made some of them
angry or just not care. Even our school had less of everything than
white, suburban schools. It was easy to feel like society didn't care
about us or the game was rigged to favor some over others.
The worst of them, the most lawless and violent, saw criminal rappers
and gang leaders as their heroes. They wanted to be just like them. We
watched them change over time to dress, walk, talk, and act like them
while quoting their lyrics. They pushed other young, black people to do
the same to be cool. Want to be cool?
Let's spin up some albums and learn how. Criminal rappers sung about
selling their souls to the devil, hooking neighborhoods on crack for
easy money, using women for sex before dumping them, robbing people on
the streets, joining gangs, killing their opponents, cursing cops,
flipping off judges, and helping thugs get away with hurting people
("don't snitch!"). Example: 2Pac - Ghetto Star (content warning).
All the stuff happening in these bad environments was promoted by black
celebrities in their music to our young people. Most blacks rejected all
of that nonsense. Those who said they were about that life created
misery for the rest of us. Whereas, the white rebels loved rock. It was
definitely less violent but had many of the same evils.
The icons of rock and rap both sold a dream to their customers. Their
religion was using any means necessary to get rich, have piles of
beautiful women (or men), and be worshiped like gods. You'd be able to
get away with anything, too. Most of the time. Their music sounded
great, too. All of this lured many people into living like this. I was
jamming and bumpin' to it all. Like them, I imagined myself having all
of that one day.
What Drives the Good and the Bad
In both white and black environments, what actually drives their
worldviews is the same: their parents, peers, and whoever they looked up
to. God if He's allowed there. They always left the door open for the
Devil. Some of these pushed people toward morals, love, and
responsibility. Many pushed people to not care, be racist, and use and
abuse others. Good and evil spread by the choices people made.
Universally, our sinful nature makes us default on evil. The black school
got worse from looking for oppressors everywhere and glorifying thugs. It
shows why we need to be careful about who we let influence us and our
children.
In that way, some people at my school were different: better attitude,
had morals, valued schooling, cared for others, and fun to be around. They
often tried to counter the lies of racism and thug culture with good
sense. My teachers and friends like that gave me a glimmer of how much
better our world could be. I also think they're the main reason I didn't
turn into a racist. Their impact proves doing the right thing in bad
environments is far from pointless. We need more like them.
End Results
Far as lasting effects, my time in that black school taught me to dodge
problems or verbally take on whole crowds. Trying to be black and show out
to fit in got more hate. I got stuck with being a half-white, half-black
nerd. People in two worlds walk a tight rope with no group to belong to. I
got paranoid thinking through everything I did, worrying what people
thought, and being ready for any problem. Those habits continue to bite me
occasionally.
I went to white, suburban schools later. That was much easier but I
was also a teenager with
those problems. They were pretty
typical. So, I’ll skip them.
High School’s Hardest Lessons
In high school, many things happened. I learned about programming,
hacking, anarchy, and Jesus. Then, 9/11 and Iraq. Computers turned my
imagination into reality and put me in control (life didn't). Hacking
could give me power over others. Anarchists taught us
we were
the real power and government. We learned how to take it back if
necessary. In church, I was told to pray the sinners prayer and obey the
Bible. I was active in church but maybe a Pharisee. I'm not sure if I
really converted. People with godly character had a positive impact on me,
though.
Then, we watched the 9/11 attacks happen live in class. Many of us wanted
to join the military and fight terrorists. Later, our President lying that
Iraq was behind it killed more Americans than 9/11 itself, maimed tens of
thousands, and killed hundreds of thousands of innocent people overseas.
The media, esp Fox, would lie that our strikes were successful while
overseas outlets would show actual videos of bombs missing and kids dying
instead. Older people said it was like Vietnam all over again. We can't
trust our institutions.
Like today, church people talked a focus
on Christ until it cost them time, money, or worldly attachments.
Instead of abhorring sin, it was in all their entertainment. Racial
segregation existed across churches, cliques inside of them, and
they’d ignore or mock outsiders. Instead of outreach and the poor,
most money went to big buildings, bureaucracies, and events for the
well off. The homeless and orphans couldn’t stay in their many, empty
rooms. Pastors' comments on science showed they never read it. Was all
this really from God?
I lost trust in them all. Maybe religion was just lies we told
ourselves to feel better about life or justify our actions. I walked
out on church and God. I'd later throw a pamphlet with God's Word in a
toilet, show Him what I really thought, and flush it afterward. Many
churches said such apostasy is like re-crucifying Jesus: I'd never be
forgiven. That suited me just fine.
Be Badder, Better, and Best
New philosophy: "I'd Rather Die on My Feet Than Live On My Knees!"
I'd solve the hardest problems myself. Chasing that dream kept me
unemployed or in dead end jobs for long periods of time. I put all my time
into inventing or improving things. I'd study the best humanity had to
offer, esp their lessons learned or experiences. After exceeding pros, I'd
get bored and move onto a new project. I handed off developed ideas for
others to build. Finishing what I started wouldn't be as fun.
I scored respect from people on top, in the underground, and everywhere
in between. I wasted years of my life on such wicked elitism. I've
forgotten a lot of it but here’s some “highlights" if you want to call
them that:
I overcame social anxiety working high-volume retail. I became world-class
at tech for computer security and boosting human potential. As a
survivalist, I was an expert on crime, combat, and war. Offense or
defense, my specialty was countering high-strength opponents (esp
nation-states). My other hobbies included researcher, educator, reformer
(civil rights / anti-corruption), conspiracy theorist, business
strategist, video games (strategy/shooters/RPG's), parties, being a
martial artist, and I made a few people pick-up artists.
What did it all teach me? Our institutions, systems, and philosophies were
all corrupted by human selfishness on every level. Every political
movement about bettering the world was self-righteous people doing us vs
them, often for ego (virtue signaling). The rich, famous, and powerful
were all liars. Underneath, they were just like us with similar worries or
never satisfied no matter what pleasures they had. They only stayed on top
if they convinced us they were worth paying, watching, or letting them
watch us (ads and spyware).
Facing death, they wished they thought more about God, family, and things
that really mattered. Then, they perished. I saw an evil, meaningless
world too broken to fix. If you doubt that, read a history book. People
consistently pour lots of energy into things that they ruin over time.
Nothing lasts. Why meaningless, though?
The Roots of Modern Evil
The secular world teaches that there is no
god, no purpose, morality is what each individual wants it to be, and do
what feels good for you. Our universe will eventually disappear into the
nothingness from whence it came. So, nothing you do good or bad really
matters. This worldview made it easy to see people as objects to exploit
or abuse. It's one of the worst philosophies human societies can
promote.
With power, we started seeing ourselves as gods. Others exist for our
benefit, the sheep to feed the hungry wolves. Get what you want out of
them: their money, bodies, and abilities. They’ll usually give them
willingly after we use lies or deals to trick them into thinking that’s
good for them. Maybe the wolves just bite chunks out of them and take
what we want. If we do our PR right, the masses we look down on will
make us CEO’s or President while defending the evil things we do. What a
deal! What an invitation!
Playing with the Other Side
Getting into the occult didn't help. Trying to hear
from Spirits, do dream control, astral projection to other realms, and
manipulate others' lives. Most involved are scammers trying to get
attention, money, or sex. The Bible says Satan poses as an angel of the
light. No surprise encountering real power was always bad for us in the
long run.
I'll tell you how that works. If it's good, like
dreams or meditations, it always focuses you on pleasure and
distractions while evil continues to consume our world. Much like more
TV and game time does. Much worse usually happens. We were attacked by
those things. We'd be paralyzed but fully awake. If dreaming, awake in
lucid nightmares they controlled. Some get possessed to be their puppets
before doing horrible things nobody can make sense of. You've read about
many on the news. More often, you think you're getting what you want
while they're actually tricking, corrupting, and using you.
Stay out of the occult! If you get trapped in it,
many of us noticed calling the name Jesus stops attacks that nothing
else would. We still didn't believe in or follow Him.
What Effect Does All of That Have?
Worldly philosophy, occult practices, and choosing
to always do more got me to fantasizing about most forms of evil. I
vented my emotions listening to rebellious rock and demon rappers.
Having like-minded people around me made it worse. On the Internet, we
all watched sick stuff on places like Rotten.com. All this led me to a
point where the worst evils didn't bother me: thinking about them was
either fun or I just felt nothing. At times, I barely felt human.
Where does that lead? Con artists, pimps, child
abusers, rapists, enslavers, killers, and folks who want to wipe out
humanity all see people as objects to use and abuse. Jesus says people
like me who plot such evil in our hearts are just as wicked as those who
commit the acts. I even started to do four or five of those things.
Before anything happened, God stopped me with a heavy conscience and
random events that were highly unlikely.
I was an expert on spotting patterns. The nature of the obstacles
indicated the universe itself was resisting my efforts while selectively
allowing others to succeed. There was an intelligence behind it. Although
I sensed God, I hated God for giving me more bad luck than others. "Life's
unfair!" I whined.
(Looking back, I think God stopped me to make sure I could tell people I
didn't actually do those things. Might be important to somebody. I want to
be clear that I was still that evil. Just as guilty.)
If Not Forward, Then Sideways
Since I knew I'd be destroyed, I backed off the worst evils to stay pursuing
ego and pleasure. That included lots of pirated movies, music, and porn.
People loved the quality of mine so much they bought it from me. But what
entertained me the most was stirring people up by roasting and debating
them. For roasts, I had sharp wit. I always had comebacks to anything and I
would make them give up first. In debates, I liked devils advocating on the
worst topics to trigger others hardest. I'd say it was to show hard truths
to cause positive change. That was partly true.
Actually, I just enjoyed making others look like fools and humiliating
them. I justified it to myself saying their ignorance and apathy caused
most of society's problems. I destroyed people's faith in their politics
and religions, esp Jesus. Whereas, I gave away "real" knowledge for free
to anyone it would help. Boosted many underdogs, helped people with their
projects, and some patented what they learned from me. Fans of my humor,
debates, advice, and charity all gave me regular doses of my favorite,
legal drug.
At one point, God attempted to humble me with brain damage: my knowledge,
skills, and even memory of most of my life went... poof! All I'll say about
that. I refused to bow. I rebuilt my life piece by piece. I hid my
disability to avoid discrimination. I’d become a top performer somewhere,
reveal the truth, and tell them a cripple beat them just to add insult to
injury. My survivor instincts kicked in between bouts of amnesia. I joked I
was the real Jason Bourne. Most years from then to now are just a blur to
me. If I ever got married or had kids, I wondered if I'd even remember their
names. I decided I'd not have kids for their sake.
All that time, I was mainly motivated by ego and empathy. I
self-righteously picked which people were worth my time to be good to and
to build up. I'd ignore, mock, or step on the rest. With many threats and
past trauma, I overcompensated by appearing outwardly invincible as I
tried to outdo everyone.
Inwardly, I felt others' pain like it was my own, saw a world full of
decent people hurting, and I could not help them. This gave me insomnia
and vivid nightmares. I drowned both problems out with the strongest
alcohol every night for years. It probably caused even more brain damage.
The clock was ticking toward me being in prison, dead from liver failure,
or killing off whoever was standing in the way of progress. Although bad
at multitasking, I was making progress toward all three at once.
God Breaks Me and Quickly Responds to My Call
The breaking point eventually came. My soul was already calling out to God
since
His
sheep hear His voice. His absence left a hole nothing else filled.
He let Satan dump more on me: around $100,000 of college and hospital debt
(appendicitis); knees, liver, and car start failing; relative had $350,000
bail we had to help with; staff cuts at an abusive employer had me
sprinting 13 hours a day, once 18.5 hours, serving angry customers; some
other catastrophes I'll leave off. Practically crawling under the weight,
I called to an "unknown God." I offered to do better and pull others up
with me if He would help me. Still arrogant even as I begged for help.
God Responds (Satan Does, Too)
High-potential people showed up out of nowhere with piles of interesting
coincidences happening. More patterns. Those who helped me were Christian.
One, new buddy of mine was a predator who set me up at work on false
charges to get a transfer to a higher-paying job. The setup was easier
because I talked and acted rudely and inappropriately to everyone,
including her. God's discipline for my sins.
About this time, I was reflecting on my past in near depression. I was
thinking: "I'm sorry for everything I said and did to all of you." I
wanted to tell as many as possible to their faces, too. Right what wrongs
I could. If I could. It was weighing heavily on me.
Back to the situation. My prayers and plans about that kept failing in
unbelievable ways. This time, I realized God wanted me to do things His
way, not mine. I'd have to submit to Him. I prayed that intention, she
suddenly left, I was still employed, and even the atheists involved were
stunned by how unlikely that was. Using that situation, God re-taught me
some gentleness, humility, and patience. What was He preparing me for?
Coronavirus Panic
Coronavirus Panic hit my very, next shift. People started acting like they
do in movies when the world is ending. Selfish, evil, and chaotic. The
people just trying to take care of their families felt helpless. I
canceled starting a business to focus on helping them even though we
thought COVID might kill me (immune disorder). Praying, reading the Bible,
and good works were all I knew to do. I prayed to God worrying I'd still
lose faith and abandon Him. I wondered if the Bible was spiritual truth
mixed in with the opinions of men. Maybe I could pick and choose what
suits me. Maybe He's real, the Bible is literally true, and I need to obey
it all. Until He answered, I'd keep reading, praying, and obeying.
He answered. I was tired at work when I saw a flash of bright light,
felt like a bolt of lightening went through me, became wide awake, and
heard a coworker in trouble ask for my help over the radio. The voice was
distorted in a mix of heavenly (angelic?) and underwater sound. I've had
many experiences, including lucid dreams. This was different. If you
experienced this, you'd immediately know it was supernatural event or you
just developed mental illness. I couldn't rule out mental illness. I just
started walking toward her. Minutes later, she came on the radio saying
the same words, same tone, and same pacing. Everything. I heard the future
and then it happened in precise detail. Experiencing an Old
Testament-style revelation sent me running toward God.
Jesus Catches Me
I asked God how to serve Him right. I wore a shirt with the Word of God on
it every day so He could easily create opportunities. God used a combo of
that shirt, obeying specific commands, and narrow coincidences (signs) to
point me at a woman who overflowed with love for Jesus Christ. I had
forgotten what that even looked like. Another showed up with genuine
compassion for me but false teaching, signs, and wonders. Both paths
looked good at first.
I visited both on the same day. One side described Bible passages in
their historical contexts. Then, how they tied into the overall message of
Scripture. The other used quoted individual verses that seemed to match
their thinking but with no context. One church focused on who Jesus Christ
is, what He did, and followed out of gratitude. The other focused on what
we're doing, how God will help us do it, and promised blessings of money
and power. The Spirit's conviction plus a brother's rebuke helped me dodge
the "Prosperity Gospel."
The Real Gospel
I kept visiting the group preaching Christ crucified. They taught me the
Gospel.
"for all have sinned, and fall short of the
glory of God; being justified freely by his grace through the
redemption that is in Christ Jesus" (Romans
3:23-24)
I put my shorter version online
with proof it's true. So, what does it mean?
It starts with a perfect, holy God creating us for Himself to love Him
first and each other as ourselves. We're to reflect His goodness. Instead,
we lie, cheat, steal, lust, and use and abuse others. We corrupted our
families, businesses, and governments. We choose to be God's enemy when we
sin. God said all sin will be paid for in blood. The perfect judge can't
just look the other way. When sinners face Him, He'll take away everything
we enjoy, even in our mind, before putting us in a lake of fire. If you've
been burned, you know that all you can think about is making the pain
stop. Seconds turn to minutes, minutes to hours, and hours go onto years.
It never ends.
Ours is a merciful and gracious God abundant in lovingkindness and
truth. He said He doesn't want the wicked to perish but to repent. How
will He punish all sin but redeem those who committed it? How does He
illustrate His perfect love, justice, forgiveness, and grace all at once?
While doing that, how can He set a perfect example for humanity to follow?
God's took flesh in the form of Jesus Christ. The Son of God was born,
raised, worked, and was tempted just like us. Jesus lived a perfect life
helping others. He fulfilled predictions about the future (prophecies) in
precise detail, worked miracles, raised the dead, and said He'd also give
life to all who believed in Him and repented. His own people beat, mocked,
stripped, and tortured Jesus to death on a cross. Just breathing took
rubbing a shredded back against wood while putting his weight on spikes
they put through the nerves in his feet. After hours of this, his lungs
collapsed. God came to save humanity and we killed Him (or at least His
body).
Being all-knowing, God planned all along to use what we'd do for evil
to show His love and goodness. He sent Jesus Christ to offer Himself up to
God to pay the price for our sins, to endure God's justice for us. While
we were still sinners (or enemies of God), Christ died for us. Hebrews
says Jesus endured the cross for the joy of saving us. For Christ's
obedience, God raised Him from the dead, gave Him all authority in heaven
and on Earth, and He will judge us all down to every thought. We can't
meet God's standard on our own since we're all guilty of something. I had
even walked away from Christ so I must be hopeless.
Here's the Good News:
"Therefore repent and turn back to God so
that your sins may be wiped out." (Acts
3:19)
"...that if you will confess with your
mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him
from the dead, you will be saved." (Romans
10:9)
"for by grace you have been saved through
faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of
works, that no one would boast." (Ephesians
2:8-9)
"not by works of righteousness which we did
ourselves, but according to his mercy, he saved us through the washing
of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit" (Titus
3:5)
[Jesus said:] "I give eternal life to them.
They will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My
Father who has given them to me is greater than all. No one is able to
snatch them out of my Father’s hand." (John
10:28-29)
A gift, not our works, and no one can boast? Nobody can snatch us out
of Christ's hand? What's that mean?
If you choose Jesus Christ, He immediately forgives all your sin.
Heaven is like a club blocking you at the door. Jesus wipes your record
clean, stamps His perfect record on it, and you're ushered in based on who
He is and what He did. The moment you believe, Jesus seals you with the
Spirit of God as a deposit on our inheritance. God Himself dwells in each
of us. He starts transforming us to be more like Christ. He uses our lives
to His glory.
If we
stray, eventually the Good Shepherd
goes
looking for His lost sheep to carry them back home on His shoulder.
We have full confidence and hope in Christ because He is who really saves
us. Our obedience and love are outward signs of what the Spirit of Christ
is doing in our hearts.
If you want, you can do this right now to inherit eternal life:
"Dear God, I know that I am an unworthy sinner and there is nothing
that I can do to earn your salvation. I believe Jesus is man and God.
I believe you sent Him to live the life I didn't, that He died on the
cross for my sins, and was raised from the dead three days later. I
repent (or turn away from sin) and accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and
Savior. God I ask in Jesus' name that you please save me and give me
eternal life with you. Thank you for your forgiveness. Amen (the
end)."
You pray that, start living as a believer, and be baptized to
publicly demonstrate your faith. You will need to spend time with God
daily, studying His Word and praying, to grow as a believer. Join a
local church that focuses on these things to help you do that. You will
probably also face suffering in a world that hates God and
righteousness. Endure it to the end since He is worth it. You can go to
GiveThemLife.com to learn
more about living the faith.
Back to my story. That's the Gospel I heard. In my case, God had just
used impossible events and a prophecy to drag me to a Bible study on the
Book of Jonah. If you've ever read Jonah, you'll know why that got my
attention. I surrendered to Christ around June 2020.
Living for Christ
Then, things started happening that never happened before. My PTSD and
insomnia symptoms disappeared first. Then, He changed me to love others
more, even strangers and enemies. He gave me feelings back that trauma had
taken away. Infants started staring at me with wide-eyed fascination,
often happy. It's like they saw something else. One animal nobody could
touch let me pet it. They used to hate me. During lockdown, I had
consistent, inner peace during a time when many, including almost everyone
I used to know, were consumed with fear.
Heart-hardened people opened up. God would make words flow out of me that
were just what they needed to hear. They wouldn't match my thinking style.
Random events at work shifted to benefit more than hurt me while others
had the same problems we had before. When trying to help others, random
events sometimes made that easier or cheaper. Outside work, one person
covered a massive debt for me. (
Twice
now.)
Prayer had power science didn't begin to explain. That revelation I
experienced started me off with strong faith. Then, people whose luck was
down told me everything started lining up out of nowhere after a prayer.
Some who tried to attack or unjustly fire us had sudden problems that
blocked that. After group prayers, struggling and dying folks had rapid
turn-arounds that baffled professionals.
God kept doing more. I'd sense a spiritual need in someone, pray (or fast)
for them, they'd randomly start focusing on that area, and improve. Some I
prayed hard for not only reported those outcomes: they used either the
exact words in my prayers or really close to them! Inside and out, Jesus
Christ, His Gospel, and His Spirit all had proven power!
Conclusion
Paul says to Timothy:
"The saying is faithful and worthy of all
acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of
whom I am chief. However, for this cause I obtained mercy, that
in me first, Jesus Christ might display all his patience for an
example of those who were going to believe in him for eternal life." (1
Tim. 1:15-16)
After turning to Jesus Christ, who I am, my life, and others lives around
me have changed for the better in ways we'd all have said were impossible
just a year before that.
Psalm
116 comes to mind.
God saved other peoples' lives, too. I'd have killed them. Multitudes
of them. God changed the entire course of history for many of us. He did
that by making me feel compelled to read His Word, the Bible. Just a
single person hearing or sharing the Word of God can save countless souls
and change countless lives. If you listen to and obey it, God's Word has
so much power. The Book of Hebrews says:
"For the word of God is living and active,
and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing of
soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and is able to discern the
thoughts and intentions of the heart. There is no creature that is
hidden from his sight, but all things are naked and laid open before the
eyes of him to whom we must give an account." (Heb.
4:12-13)
I was an undeserving sinner. He brought me back, cleansed me of all
that pain and filth inside, put His love and peace in me, and set me on
fire with His Spirit to serve Him and others. My life now and till death
will testify to the steadfast love of our God given through our Lord Jesus
Christ.
What about you? Having witnesses His power in me and others, what will
you choose?
God told one man: "this very night, your life is expected of you!" Yours
might be over before the next thing you do. You can't know. Whereas, you now
know that Christ was tortured to death to offer you His hand and
forgiveness. Don't leave Him hanging. Give your life to Jesus Christ right
now.
If you've strayed from Him, turn back to Christ in obedience and love. Do
it now! If you lack love for others or can't forgive some of them, ask God
*right now* to help you deal with that. These are the best decisions you
will ever make. Make your life count. Make it count by giving it to Jesus
Christ.
Thank you for reading. I hope God spoke to you through some of this.
Thank you for your time.
(Read the
Gospel
with proof its true. Some
predictions
He made to motivate us. If you're a believer, this
site
will equip you.)